


something like a fantasy

by radstereo



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1940s, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bisexual Female Character, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes-centric, Friends to Lovers, Gay Bucky Barnes, Hate Crimes, Homophobic Language, Lesbian Character, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Period-Typical Racism, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-World War II Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Steve and Bucky didn't grow up together, Trans Female Character of Color, Violence, secret queer clubs from the 40s
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:28:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23997514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radstereo/pseuds/radstereo
Summary: Bucky liked to think of Cherry’s as a fantasyland. It was a place where outcasts went to be themselves, to let their magic show and let the other people out there that felt the same way as them know that they aren't alone. But it was restricted to just that downstairs bar, and once they stepped foot out of that convenience store there was no safe haven for them left. It was just a cruel, cruel world left for the queers of New York City and there was nothing anyone could do about it except dream of a world where that fantasyland was above ground instead.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers & Original Female Character(s), James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 3
Kudos: 32





	something like a fantasy

**Author's Note:**

> hi there! so i got this random idea for a fic and i've really enjoyed writing it for y'all. i hope you guys enjoy it, i love it a lot!

_You’re in the eighth grade._ _You know these things._ _You know how to ride a dirt bike,_ _and you know how to do long division,_ _and you know that a boy who likes boys is a dead boy,_ _unless he keeps his mouth shut,_ _which is what you didn’t do,_ _because you are weak and hollow_ _and it doesn’t matter anymore._

Richard Siken, “A Primer for Small Weird Lovers”

The thing that terrified Bucky most about going to Cherry’s was not being caught, but being judged by those already inside.

He knew he looked the straight type— a fella with a charming smile and girls fighting over his arm at any chance they could get, but the whole act was just that— an act. He could admit he liked the attention dames gave him and while it was nice to take one dancing every once in a while it just wasn’t him. He was tired of pretending. Of course, he couldn't  _ not  _ pretend in this world, but maybe just for a moment, in a place like the one he was heading, he could let his guard down.

But the fact of the matter is Bucky had never been in a queer space before and didn’t know what to expect from the people there. Is he supposed to look a certain way? He knew it was probably wrong of him to think that, because not all queer people looked a certain way, but he couldn't help but think it anyways.

Bucky pushed open the door to the building slowly, eyeing the woman at the desk. He had a sheen of sweat on his forehead, half from the nerves and half from the July heat outside. The place was covered as a little convenience shop, with sodas and snacks lining the walls. He walked up to the woman and gave a nervous smile. “Hi.”

She gave him a smile back, but her’s was easy and nothing like his. “Hello.”

He glanced around to check again that nobody else was here, leaning in a bit. “I’m here for, um, Cherry’s.”

The woman chuckled. “Oh, dear. You’re a newcomer, yeah?”

Bucky laughed nervously. “Yeah.” 

“I’ll remember that face,” she teased, standing up and leading him around the counter. She pushed her chair aside, and pulled up the rug, revealing a trap door. She pulled it open, and suddenly an explosion of voices and music came up through. 

“Have fun, honey,” she smiled, gesturing for him to descend down the stairs. He swallowed the lump in his throat and gave her a smile before heading down.

The stairwell was steep and long, but he eventually reached the bottom, pushing past a curtain to reveal the bar. It was dimly lit with yellow hues, and there had to be at least thirty people inside. Men hung out at the bar, women in booths. Some were dancing and laughing. Others were chatting. He felt out of place.

But… then he looked closer. He saw women wearing men’s clothes. He saw women wearing blouses and dresses. He saw men in dramatic makeup and corsets. He saw men in slacks and suspenders. These people came in all shapes, shades and sizes and it suddenly made Bucky feel that much more at home.

“Hey,” came a voice from next to him, like a snap back to reality. Bucky’s head jerked to the side. 

The man was much smaller than Bucky, with blonde hair that fell into his eyes. He was skinny, with an undershirt that was just a bit too loose on him hanging from his frame. He was pale. He was freckled all over. He had a look in his eyes that said he was comfortable in his skin and this is where he felt safe.

“Hello,” Bucky said carefully, forgetting where the hell he was for a moment. But the blonde man just smiled, shaking his head a bit.

“Don’t be so formal. I’m Steve.” Steve held out his hand, and Bucky shook it. 

“Handshake feels pretty formal,” Bucky joked, and when Steve laughed it knocked the thoughts out of Bucky’s head. 

“C’mon, new guy,” Steve said, taking Bucky’s hand and walking him over to a booth. Inside it were three other women already. 

“I’m Bucky, by the way,” Bucky said as Steve tugged him along.

“Oh yeah, with that name, you’re definitely gay,” Steve snorted, sliding back into the booth. “Bucky, meet my pals.”

Bucky gave a shy wave, and the woman closest to him grabbed his arm and pulled him into the seat with a laugh. She wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “I’m Flora. Flora Coleman. 

He studied Flora’s face. He could tell she was a man, once. He knew that was the wrong way to say it. He wasn't sure how else he was supposed to say it. 

“Are you…” he trailed off. He didn’t want to offend her.

“Yes, I’m transgender,” Flora answered with a warm smile. Her black hair was curled in the way Suzy Lennel did hers when Bucky took her dancing last Friday, all tight against her head and pinned to stay there. Her smile was bright in the dimness of the bar.

“I like your eyeshadow, Flora,” Bucky blurted, because it’s exactly what he’d been thinking. The purple shadow looked beautiful against her dark skin, and it made her eyes pop even more than they already would have. 

Flora’s smile widened, and she glanced over at Steve, then back to Bucky. “Why thank you, Bucky.”

“Bucky, this is Judy and Rosemary,” Steve said, pointing to the girls between him and Flora. Judy had strawberry blonde hair and a pair of dimples that dug deep when she smiled. She looked like the average American girl. Bucky knew that queer gals didn’t look some type of way, but it still shocked him a bit. 

Rosemary was darker than Judy, maybe Italian, with short brown hair that curled around her ears. She was smiling ear to ear. Bucky noticed she was wearing a blazer. 

“Nice to meet you girls,” Bucky smiled at them. 

“So, Bucky,” Steve said, leaning forward onto the table with his chin in his hands. “Where do ya fall here? Flora’s trans and likes gals like Judy, and Rosemary and I like ‘em both. Where are ya?”

“Wait, y’can like both?” Bucky asked, causing the table to erupt in laughter. 

He felt a bit stupid, then. 

“Yes, silly,” Rosemary said, smiling at him to let him know it was okay to ask. “It’s not talked about much. But I still like fellas. Not as much as I like gals, I think.”

Bucky smiled, looking at the table. “I’m not all that sure. I used to think I was all for ladies but… something’s always felt off, y’know? Felt myself starin’ at the other guys in school for a little too long. Started thinkin’ about it. And then once it hit me that I  _ did _ like guys like that, the idea of takin’ dames out started losin’ appeal more and more.”

“We get ya, darling,” Flora said, rubbing his shoulder. “It’s alright to be curious and unsure. Hell, I once thought I was just one of the guys. Turns out I was wrong ‘bout that, right?”

Bucky laughed softly, nodding. “Guess so. Was so nervous to come here tonight. Heard about it from a guy down at the docks.”

“Don’t be nervous!” Judy grinned. “We’ll take care’a ya, and find ya a great fella soon enough!”

“Thanks, that means a whole lot,” Bucky said, twiddling his thumbs a bit. 

“Relax.” Steve reached across the table and took Bucky’s hand, squeezing softly. Steve's hands were so small. “You got nothin’ to be scared of here. Everything goes in this place. It’s here for comfort, for safety. It’s home for people like us, alright?”

Bucky let out a breath, nodding slowly. “Yeah, alright.”

The five of them spent the night talking about anything and everything— mostly them getting to know Bucky. He found himself revealing so much more than he ever thought he’d tell  _ anybody.  _ About the way Jack Fitzgerald made his stomach flutter in his tenth grade math class. About the old woman and her friend who lived across the hall from him, and how he’d always suspected the two women were more than just friends. About how his dad would spit the word  _ queer _ like it was poisonous. About how his mom never had a problem with queer people at all. 

Eventually it was early in the morning and Bucky needed to get home. He was sober, surprisingly, but in a way he was grateful for it. While the rest of the group got ready to leave, Bucky watched in sadness as Flora wiped off her makeup, pulled the pins out of her hair and took the hair tie Judy offered her, pulling it up so with a hat on it looked as though she had short hair, like a man. She slipped out of her dress while Steve and Rosemary held their coats up as a privacy barrier for her, and when they put their coats down Flora looked nothing like she had before. It made Bucky more upset than he’d thought it would. 

She sniffled a bit, like she was trying not to cry. “Alright, fellas. We ready?”

“Yes ma’am,” Steve smiled, squeezing Flora’s hand in reassurance. Trying to say that,  _ even if you look like a man now, you are a woman, and we see you as Flora.  _

When the five of them emerged from the building and back onto the streets of Brooklyn, Bucky suddenly felt vulnerable and afraid. He’d never felt this way before. 

“I liked it better down there,” Bucky mumbled to Steve as they walked. 

Steve smiled, looking up at Bucky. “Yeah. Me too.”

They walked together down the street, and one by one they started to break off to head their respective ways home. Bucky felt queasy at the thought of Judy and Rosemary going home alone, but they reassured him it was alright. 

When Flora announced she’d be heading off at the next turn, Steve looked up at her with a look of determination.

“Be safe, Flor. Seriously,” he said. “You may be in men’s attire right now but you’re still black.”

“I  _ know,  _ Steve,” Flora laughed, running a hand through Steve’s hair. “Trust me, I know. I’ll be careful.”

Steve shot her a nervous smile. “Love you.” 

“I love you too, Rogers,” Flora whispered. “And it was nice to get to know you, Bucky. I hope I’ll see you again soon.”

Bucky nodded. “You will.”

Flora gave Steve one last smile before turning and heading off into the night.

“I always get so fucking worried about her,” Steve mumbled as the two of them continued walking. 

Bucky sighed. “I bet.”

It was an unspoken truth that Flora was the one they needed to worry about the most. Not only was she already at a disadvantage for being black, being transgender  _ and  _ a lesbian didn’t help her out at all. 

“Where you live at?” Steve asked as they walked, his hands in his pockets. 

Bucky glanced over at him. “Just a few more streets down.”

“You really walked that whole way to come tonight?” Steve laughed. “You know there’s queer clubs all around Brooklyn, right?”

“Really?” he asked. “No. I didn’t know that. But ‘m glad I came to the one I did.”

“Yeah,” Steve smiled, finally looking up and meeting Bucky’s eyes. “Me too.”

* * *

Bucky was at Cherry’s almost three times a week after a while, and as months went by the honest truth was that it was the only thing that made him happy anymore. Being at work was exhausting, and he found himself counting down the seconds of the day until the sun set and he could sneak away to his favorite convenience store. The woman at the desk didn’t need anything but a smile from him now. 

“I think you’d look fantastic in a dress and some’a Judy’s red lipstick, Steve,” Flora teased, ruffling up Steve’s blonde hair as he rolled his eyes.

“Yeah right. I’d look ridiculous,” he argued, leaning his head against Flora’s shoulder. “I mean. It sounds fun, but I just think I’d look awfully stupid.”

“You wouldn't look stupid,” Bucky said, cocking a brow at Steve from across the table. “I agree with Flora. I think you’d look as pretty as a dame—”

Steve kicked him under the table, and the table burst into laughter. 

Judy pulled a tube of lipstick from her purse, handing it off to Steve. “At least try it on, yeah? Don’t worry, I ain’t got cooties.”

Steve scoffed with a smile, snatching the tube from her fingers and looking down at it. “I’on know how to put on lipstick.”

Flora opened her mouth to speak, but Bucky felt himself talking before the words coming out of his mouth were even registering in his head. “I do. C’mere.”

Judy and Rosemary looked stunned, and Flora looked amused at his words. 

“I grew up with three sisters,” Bucky defended, watching as Steve walked to his side of the booth in front of Bucky. He handed Bucky the lipstick.

Bucky popped the cap off, and with the height of the booth and the height of Steve like this he was just perfectly level with his face. His right hand came up to cradle Steve’s jaw to keep him steady, and with his left he carefully started to apply the lipstick to his top lip first, and then his bottom. He made sure it was opaque and as neat as he could get it, before capping the product and raising his brows with a smile. “There ya go, Rogers.”

Steve looked over at Flora, Judy, and Rosemary. “I look ridiculous, don’t I?”

“Not at  _ all!”  _ Flora tugged a hand mirror out of her bag, spinning it to show Steve his reflection. “You look  _ cute _ , Steve.”

Steve’s expression changed when the mirror faced him. His fingers came up to his mouth, inches from brushing against his lips. He looked stunned. 

Bucky poked him in the side. “Keep it on til’ we gotta go.”

Steve looked back over at him, and the way the light hit his face then made Bucky's head spin. His eyes were so fucking blue against the pale, freckled skin around them, the dark eyebrows above, and the bright red lips beneath. 

“Thanks, Buck,” Steve said, leaning down and pressing a kiss to Bucky’s cheek, leaving a perfect kiss-mark against his skin. The girls laughed at the satisfied smirk on Steve’s face as he sat back down. 

The lipstick mark felt like fire on Bucky’s face. 

The hours flew by and soon enough it was time for them to go. It was time for Flora to undress and take off her beautiful makeup, hiding for her own safety. It was time for Steve to rub the lipstick still on his mouth off into a napkin. 

Judy carefully wiped the mark off of Bucky’s face. “You like him, don’t ya?”

Bucky looked away from her. “Who?”

“Steve,” she said quietly. “Am I right?”

“Maybe.” 

Judy smiled even more, those perfectly white teeth glittering in the light. “I think you should bring him here one night. Without us girls. Just the two of ya, on a date.”

“Oh, I dunno about that,” Bucky laughed softly, shaking his head. “I’m not so sure Steve likes me.”

“Are you a fuckin’ idiot?” she scoffed, her hand holding Bucky’s face where Steve had kissed before. “You don’t see the way he looks at ya when you’re lookin’ away.”

Bucky let out a breath, glancing over at Steve. He was helping Flora get her hair tied up into her hat. 

“It wasn't too long ago that I was in your position and Rosie was the gal I was swooning over, thinkin’ she’d never want me back,” Judy smiled, glancing over at Rosemary. “I think he likes ya, Bucky Barnes. You just gotta make your move.”

“Thanks, Judy,” Bucky said softly, giving her a warm smile. She flashed him one right back.

Once the five of them were ready to head out, they climbed up the steep steps and out into the real world. Bucky liked to think of Cherry’s as a fantasyland. It was a place where outcasts went to be themselves, to let their magic show and let the other people out there that felt the same way as them know that they aren't alone. But it was restricted to just that downstairs bar, and once they stepped foot out of that convenience store there was no safe haven for them left. It was just a cruel, cruel world left for the queers of New York City and there was nothing anyone could do about it except dream of a world where that fantasyland was above ground instead. 

Steve and Bucky were alone, now, walking quietly down along the streetlights’ illuminations. Bucky took a chance, then. There was so much for him in his fantasyland. “Hey, Steve?”

“Yeah, Buck?” Steve’s voice was deeper than it should be, Bucky thought. Steve looked the type to have a pitchy voice, a voice as small as his physical body, but as he got to know the guy he realized the strong voice that wrapped itself around Steve’s words as he spoke them matched him so much more than a higher voice ever would. Steve’s personality was too goddamn big for his little body. Bucky wasn’t sure how the guy hadn't exploded yet. 

“You wanna go to Cherry’s tomorrow night?” he asked, pushing away the feeling building in his chest.

Steve stopped, looking up at Bucky. “We never go on Wednesdays, because Flora has to work late.”

“I didn’t mean us and the girls,” Bucky said quietly. “I meant… us.” 

Steve laughed, but it wasn't malicious. “By God, are you askin’ me out on a date, Bucky Barnes?”

Bucky bit the inside of his cheek. “Uh… yes.”

“Wow.” Steve looked at his feet, and for the first time since meeting him, Bucky thought he looked quite nervous. “I honestly thought you’d never ask me.”

Bucky’s eyes snapped back up to look at Steve. “Wait… really? You wanna go on a date w’me?”

“‘Course I do, jerk,” Steve laughed, nudging Bucky with his elbow. “You ain’t notice the way I look at ya?”

“Judy said somethin’ about that…” Bucky trailed off. “I’m real glad you wanna, Steve. I was nervous to ask ya.”

“So, tomorrow night?” Steve smiled, looking up at Bucky with a look he’d never given him before. 

Bucky nodded quickly, biting his cheek again. He had a bad habit of doing that. “Yeah. Be there by eight thirty?”

“Sure thing.” Steve’s hands came up out of his pocket and he reached out, grabbing hold of Bucky’s hands. “I’ll see ya tomorrow, Barnes.”

Bucky was sweating. Was it warm out? “Yeah. See ya tomorrow.”

Steve dropped Bucky’s hands and made his way down his street, leaving Bucky to watch until he turned out of sight. His heart felt like it was gonna burst out of his chest.

* * *

“Buck,  _ The Wizard of Oz  _ is the best movie to ever be made,” Steve laughed, shaking his head as he took a sip of his drink. “You’re just in denial.”

“I just think there's been better movies!” Bucky defended, a smile creeping up on his face. “I like  _ Gone With The Wind,  _ but I’m just’a sap.”

“Clearly,” Steve snorted. 

They’d been at Cherry’s for at least three hours by now. The two of them sat at the usual booth the group inhabited, except tonight it was just them. And Bucky was having the time of his life. He hoped Steve was, too.

But as people began to trickle out of the club, Bucky felt himself fighting off yawns. He was tired, truthfully, from work all day. It was kicking his ass lately.

“Hey,” Steve said softly, leaning forward. “You seem tired. Ya wanna call it a night?”

Bucky felt guilty. “If you don't mind…”

Steve shook his head, getting to his feet. “No problem, Buck. Let’s get outta here, yeah?”

They climbed out into the store and then out to the street, and they talked the whole way home. It had been quite normal, actually. The date. It felt just like another night with Steve, minus the girls being there. Judy had been over the moon when Bucky gave her a call last night to let her know Steve had said yes to his date. 

Right before Steve was about to break off to head home, he looked up at Bucky. “You wanna… come home with me?”

Bucky’s eyes widened. “Oh. Um—”

“We don’t gotta do nothin’ if you don’t wanna,” Steve said, smiling up at him. “Your pace, Buck. We can just sleep if y’want.”

“Alright,” Bucky agreed, nodding. His feet were dragging the ground a bit as he followed Steve down the street, and soon enough they were entering a run-down, shabby looking apartment complex. 

Steve smiled shyly at Bucky as he led him up a flight of stairs. “Sorry the place is kinda a dump. ‘s all I can afford.”

“Don’t worry ‘bout it,” Bucky smiled. “My place doesn't look too different from this.”

Steve unlocked his door, letting Bucky inside first. It was a cozy little apartment, not much inside but the feeling of being lived in coating the walls. There was a couch with a matching chair right in front of the entrance, with a coffee table in front and a radio on top of that. A small kitchen to the left, and a hallway shooting out next to the kitchen. 

Steve smiled. “You wanna stay out here or we can go to my room?”

“Uh..” Bucky paused. He was curious, of course he was. He was also so very scared.

The truth is that he wanted to kiss Steve. He wanted to feel Steve’s lips against his own, and those hands pressed against his chest. He wanted it all. He wanted the things he didn't even fully understand. But he was so terrified of what it’d mean after. If people could sense it on him. 

“You can crash in my bed if you wanna, I’ll take the couch,” Steve said, moving to sit down, but Bucky spoke up.

“No.” He shook his head. “We can go t’your room.”

Steve nodded, heading first down the hall to the room at the end. The bed was a bit small, but Bucky was sure it’d fit the both of them. Besides the bed and a wooden dresser, there was not much else in the room.

“I’d offer ya something to sleep in, but you’re kinda way bigger than me,” Steve teased, shrugging off his shirt like it was no big deal. And Bucky longed for that— being confident enough to just strip his shirt off in front of somebody else without a second thought. Next came the slacks, and Steve replaced them with a pair of pajama bottoms. He left his torso bare. 

Bucky felt that telltale lump in his throat again. The butterflies in his stomach. He slowly unbuttoned his shirt, shrugging it off. He was grateful he’d worn an undershirt with it. He pulled his slacks and shoes off, standing a bit uncomfortable in his boxers, before just sighing and climbing into bed next to Steve.

Their faces were so,  _ so  _ close.

“I just wanna sleep,” Bucky whispered, because he was afraid if he spoke any louder it’d bust Steve’s eardrums with how close they were.

“That’s fine,” Steve smiled. “Goodnight, Buck. I had a great time tonight.”

Bucky let the worry drip out of him, and smiled. “Yeah… me too. Goodnight.”

And when Bucky woke up the next morning with hair brushing his cheeks and a warm body on his chest, he realized that feeling was something he didn't know how much he craved until he cracked open his eyes and saw the way the light flooded into the room through the shitty curtains. 

* * *

It’d been a week since Steve and Bucky’s date, and the two of them were dancing around each other. They both wanted more, they both wanted to be an item, but for Steve it was about respecting Bucky’s boundaries and for Bucky it was pure terror and confusion at the unknown implications of it all.

Tonight, though, Bucky had been running late to the usual Cherry’s hangout for the night, because his dumbass had fallen asleep after work and slept past when he’d usually be there. 

Now, he was rushing down the flight of stairs, trying to keep himself from falling, bursting into the club. 

“There he is!” Flora called, running over to Bucky. “My God, Bucky Barnes, we were  _ worried  _ about ya! It took all three of us to convince Steve not to go by your place and make sure you ain’t dead.”

Bucky laughed. “Not dead. Just stupid. I took a nap. Sorry, guys,” he said as he approached the group. But he noticed one thing missing— Steve.

Judy seemed to see his confusion. “Steve’s changing right now. We finally convinced his uptight ass to wear one of my dresses for laughs.”

“Really?” Bucky laughed. “Wow.”

“Yeah!” Rosemary grinned. “I think he’s gonna look mighty fine—”

Flora suddenly gasped, looking at something behind the other three. “Lookin’ good, Rogers!” 

Steve was standing behind Judy, Bucky and Rosemary, dressed up in a pink dress and matching slip— well,  _ halfway  _ dressed up. The dress itself looked surprisingly… small? It didn’t seem to be able to get on all the way.

“It won’t get on,” Steve grumbled, and Judy burst into giggles, running to him. 

“Oh dear, I guess I’d forgotten how small this dress really was,” she smiled. “Here. You can take the dress off. But the slip fits! Keep that on.”

“It looks stupid!” Steve argued, but there was amusement in his voice. “I am  _ not  _ gonna sit out here in a  _ slip. _ ”

“Ugh, fine,” Judy huffed. “Go change.”

Steve flashed Bucky a look. “Buck, come with me.”

Bucky’s eyebrows twitched up a bit, and he heard Flora laugh softly behind him. “Alright.”

He followed Steve to the hidden area where his clothes were piled on the floor. “Help me outta this, yeah?”

Bucky was flustered, and he was glad the lack of lighting in this area of the club was protecting him. “Yeah. Sure.”

He carefully unzipped the rest of the dress, and pulled it down so Steve could step out of it. He zipped it back up and grabbed the bag on the floor that he assumed had housed the dress when Judy first brought it for Steve. He looked up at Steve as he put the dress away, and Steve was already looking at him.

Bucky raised on shaky legs, trying to refrain from letting his eyes… wander. “You look, um, pretty.”

Steve snorted, looking down at himself in the slip. “I look stupid, Buck. But thank ya. You wanna block me?”

Bucky nodded, making sure he was standing in a way that shielded Steve’s body from the club. He watched as Steve pulled the slip off, gradually getting back into his own clothes. “Much better. Judy convinces me to do some God awful things sometimes.”

"Oh, c’mon,” Bucky laughed. “It ain’t  _ that _ bad.”

Steve gave him a look.

Bucky just rolled his eyes happily as Steve finished up, and the two of them walked back over to the group.

For the rest of the night, Bucky knew his face was just a little pink, and his heart was beating just a bit fast. Steve’s hand brushing against his every five seconds didn’t help much, either.

By the time they left the club, Bucky knew he wanted to ask Steve to go home with him tonight. He knew what he wanted. 

“I’m gonna see if my boss can rearrange my shifts for next week a bit,” Flora said, building off of her little rant about work she’d been explaining as they walked. Bucky was half-listening.

“You should,” Steve smiled, and as he opened his mouth to say more, he was cut off by Flora letting out a grunt. A sound of pain.

“Hey!” came a man’s voice, loud, angry behind them. Bucky realized then that the man and his buddies had been throwing rocks at them, and one had hit Flora in the back.

Flora whipped around, and Bucky had never seen her this way. Afraid, insecure. Just… scared to the bone. She looked about ready to melt into the ground and disappear. 

“What the hell—?” Steve tried, but a rock went flying to him, too, and hit him square in the chest. The rock wasn't too big, but it was big enough to knock the breath out of a small guy like Steve. 

Judy screamed and covered her head as more rocks went flying, and Rosemary pulled her to the ground, protecting her girl’s head with her body. 

Bucky felt his jaw explode in pain when he got hit there. He heard Steve’s nose crack, but it sounded far away, now.

The men were screaming all kinds of things. Calling Flora every racial slur under the sun, kicking at Judy and Rosemary’s intertwined bodies and telling them they were “ _ dirty dykes.”  _

“God hates fags,” the man yelled. “Y’all are a fuckin’ abomination to God, and you’re all goin’ to hell!”

Bucky felt a glob of spit hit his eye, and he closed them on impact.

“Fucking faggot,” the man sneered at him, kicking him in the side one last time before, suddenly, it was quiet. 

The five of them, laying in the street… cold, bleeding, hurt, and alone.

Steve got up first. He always got up first. His legs were shaking, and his nose was gushing blood all over his white button-up, but that didn't stop him. “G-Guys…”

Nobody spoke. Bucky had to look over at Flora to make sure she wasn't dead. His neck hurt like hell.

Is this what it’ll be like from now on?

“Fuck,” Rosemary finally groaned, and Judy let out a small sob, before it broke into a full cry. She wailed into Rosemary’s chest.

Flora was still quiet, just carefully staring up at the night sky. 

“How’d they even know…” Bucky trailed off. 

“It’s all my f-fuckin’ fault,” Steve said. “Fellas ‘round here, they all know I’m queer. Even if I ain’t say it, they know.”

Rosemary and Judy were the next to stand, and then Bucky. The four of them looked down at Flora, waiting, but she made no move to get up. 

So they stayed. And stayed. And they must've stayed there for almost an hour, because it felt like days before Flora got up. “I’m sorry. I just don't know what to say. I’m gonna head on home.”

Steve sighed. “Flor—”

“It’s okay, Steve.” She smiled, but it was sad, and it was hurt. “I’ll be alright.”

Flora walked off, alone. 

  
  
  


Steve had agreed to come home with Bucky, in the end. And as they laid face to face in Bucky’s bed, Steve eyed the cross around Bucky’s neck.

“You believe in God?” Steve asked quietly.

Bucky sighed. “I did, once. I’m not sure anymore.” 

_ God hates Fags.  _ The words echoed in his head.

“Because of what those assholes said?” Steve asked, even though it was obvious he already knew the answer. 

Bucky bit the inside of his cheek like he always did, reaching up to fiddle with the cross. He remembered going to church as a kid, hearing the pastor preach about all sorts of things, but he’d never thought religion would make him feel this way. And he’d prayed for a long, long time for God to fix him, keep those nasty urges out of his head, give him a sweet gal to shack up with when the time was right, but He never did. So, Bucky had begun to give up a bit. 

He was finished, now. He’d given up on God. 

He didn’t realize he’d busted the chain off of his neck until it was laying broken in his hand.

* * *

It was strange how that night changed things.

Flora seemed more guarded after that. Her makeup was less extravagant, her outfits less glamorous. Judy flinched at the sound of any sort of yelling, and Rosemary seemed to have the primal urge to protect Judy more than ever before. Steve’s nose had been all jacked up, and Bucky could tell it was more than just his nose that had broken— a part of his bravery had cracked, a bit. 

And Bucky? Well, Bucky was… numb. He was so void of feeling that it scared him. Or maybe that was just it— maybe he was just afraid.

But there was some good from it, too. Steve had started staying over at Bucky’s a whole lot more. They still weren’t very clear about what the hell they were to each other, but all Bucky knew is they cuddled at night and enjoyed the feeling when they woke up in the morning.

On a crisp night near the start of November, Steve and Bucky lay in bed, Bucky’s hand tracing patterns across Steve’s back.

“Buck,” Steve said, sitting up, facing him.

Bucky cocked a brow. “Yeah—?”

Steve didn't let him finish. He leaned forward, and pressed a daring kiss to Bucky’s mouth. 

Bucky had obviously kissed before. He’d kissed plenty of gals. But it had never felt like this. The actual kiss wasn't all that exciting, but the feeling that came with it… the longing he’d felt for this, for this feeling, for this touch— it all burst out with the simple touch of lips. 

When Steve pulled back, Bucky was shocked into silence. 

“Was that… okay?” Steve asked. “That I kissed ya? Was that alright?”

Bucky simply nodded, blinking a few times. “Yeah, Steve, that was plenty alright…”

The two men sat face to face for a moment, quiet. It was unnervingly quiet, Bucky thought, so he leaned back in and kissed Steve again.

This one was slow, and passionate. Bucky felt Steve nip at his bottom lip, so he did it, too. 

And when Steve gently started pushing Bucky onto his back, climbing on top of him, Bucky didn't feel afraid, or hesitant. He felt sure. His hands came up to hold Steve’s waist, and they weren't shaking at all.

After, when they laid together, Bucky’s hand found its way to Steve’s hip, again, and his thumb ran over the mark he’d left there with his mouth. 

“This mean we’re goin’ steady now?” Steve laughed, looking up at Bucky like he was all things good in the world. 

Bucky smiled sleepily, nodding once. “Yeah, sweetheart. It does.” 

“Good…” Steve sounded like he had more to say, but Bucky was on the brink of sleep and he could barely hear himself anymore.

“I’m real tired, baby,” Bucky sighed, his eyes drooping closed. “Y’wore m’out…”

“I know,” Steve said with amusement in his voice. He rested his head on Bucky’s chest, like he always did. “G’night.”

Bucky was asleep before Steve could finish. 

* * *

Things became easier for the group again with time. 

The girls had been ecstatic when the news broke that Steve and Bucky were officially an item. Judy had told Bucky how proud of him she was. 

What didn't become easier, however, was the feeling that Bucky was betraying his family. He just couldn't shake it.

He sat at his family’s dinner table on Thanksgiving, Becca to his right and Winnie to his left. Mary and Elise were sitting together across the table with George.

The conversation was weak and forced. George talked about work, Winnie talked about home. Becca kept giving Bucky a look that said,  _ what are you keeping from me?  _

“James, son,” George spoke up, causing Bucky to be pulled out of his thoughts. “You’ve gotten yourself a nice girl, I see.”

Bucky furrowed his brows. “Wha—?”

Becca laughed, reaching up and poking the side of Bucky’s neck. It hurt. He winced, and then his eyes went wide as he realized  _ why  _ it hurt at all—  _ the goddamn hickey. _

Fuck.

“Um.” Bucky was frozen. His mouth felt like sandpaper. He didn't know what to say. A part of him thought his life with Steve and Cherry’s was invisible to the rest of the world, but the truth fell hard onto him as his whole family stared at him, waiting for an answer. He felt like he was going to be sick.

“Y’know, one of my coworkers said he heard ‘bout a couple’a queers getting beat up in the street the other night,” George mumbled, changing the subject. He was angrily stabbing at his food. “Serves ‘em right. Glad you’ve got a girl, James. You don't need’a be around those types of folk. You can sense ‘em. They’ll try’n convert ya, like fags always do.”

Bucky flinched, and it was violent enough to make the fork slip out of his fingers and crash onto his plate. His dad fell silent. “James?”

Bucky felt like he was swimming. His heart was racing, and not in the good way it did around Steve. He was staring down at his plate, his mouth slightly agape as he struggled to breathe. He was so scared, then. More scared than he’d been on the street, getting rocks thrown at him. 

“James, what’s this about?” George asked again. “If you’re gettin’ riled up about the queer talk—”

“Stop it!” Bucky screamed, his resolve breaking apart like glass. He stood up, his hands slamming down on the table. Becca jumped. 

“I’m fucking sick of it! I’m sick of lying! You hate queers so much? Fine, I’ll walk my fairy ass out of this house and on home because  _ clearly  _ your so-called ‘queer senses’ aren't very good, Dad, because ya could never tell with me! The damn truth is that gay people ain’t no different than you! We have friends, we have jobs and we love and we get hurt. And y’know those  _ fags _ you were shittin’ on that got attacked? Yeah, Dad, that was me and my buddies. So don't y’dare for a second think you're  _ any  _ better than us just because you’ve got the privilege of likin’ women and some of us guys just  _ don’t.  _ You’re a fuckin’ shit excuse for a human and the sooner y’realize it, the better.”

The silence that followed was deafening. Even the girls were quiet. Nobody was breathing. 

“James,” George said calmly. “Get the fuck outta my house.”

“Fuckin’ gladly,” Bucky spit, making his way towards the front door, grabbing his jacket and slipping back on his shoes. He hesitated for a moment, before walking back over so his family could see him again. 

“Oh, and for the record, the hickey on my neck? ‘s from a fella.  _ My  _ fella. His name’s Steve. Sweetest guy I’ve ever met in my whole life.” Bucky looked down at his shoes, a smug smirk on his face. The adrenaline pumping through his veins was electrifying. “And I suck his cock like a fuckin’ champ.”

“Get the fuck outta my house!” George shouted again, tugging his shoe off of his foot and launching it across the house at Bucky’s head. He missed, but it only made Bucky smile more. He felt like a fucking lunatic.

Bucky walked out of the house, slamming the door. He made it as far as the edge of the driveway before a hand grabbed his shoulder, spinning him around. 

It was his mom. 

“You come out here to disown me?” Bucky asked, but his adrenaline high was winding down and that fear was spiking again. There were tears in his eyes.

Winnie shook her head, and Bucky realized she was crying, too. “I’m so sorry.”

Bucky reached out and wiped a tear away from Winnie’s face. “You have nothin’ to be sorry for.”

“I still love you,” she whispered. “Even if he doesn't, I do.”

Bucky smiled softly, trying to let himself feel that relief, but it never came. “I love you too, Ma. But I gotta go.”

She nodded, stepping back, and letting him go.

* * *

“You did the right thing,” Flora said as Bucky explained to them what had gone down with his parents on Thanksgiving. It had been a couple of weeks but it still stung. 

“I know. But it don’t feel like it,” Bucky sighed, rubbing his face. “Feels like I did somethin’ bad.”

Steve rested his head on Bucky’s shoulder. “At least your ma still loves you, right?”

Bucky nodded. “Yeah. Guess you’re right.”

The four of them hugged Bucky close, and Bucky knew this was where he belonged. Here. With his family.

And then the cops came.

It happened so fast, the loud shouting and footsteps barrelling down the steps. When the curtain was yanked down, the people inside the bar screamed in fear and confusion. Bucky’s head shot up, and he spun around, watching in horror as the officers immediately began to grab people when they could, pushing them around and cuffing them. 

“Shit!” Flora screamed, grabbing Steve’s hand as she sprung into action. She pulled him towards the stairs, and somehow… she got them up. They were out of Bucky’s sight within a matter of seconds. 

“C’mon!” Bucky grabbed Judy, whose hand was already locked with Rosemary’s. He was about to attempt towards the stairs but an officer had run up to the convenience store, and he knew he wouldn't make it.

“There’s an emergency exit,” Judy whispered, and despite the chaos Bucky heard her perfectly. She began to bolt in the direction of the exit, and Bucky followed, keeping his head down as he heard guns start to fire in their direction.

He pushed his way through another set of curtains and followed the girls through a rusty door, where another flight of stairs led up to the street. 

Once they were outside, they didn't stop running. They heard the cops coming after them. 

So, Bucky ran. He ran so fast that Judy and Rosemary struggled to keep up with him. The three of them ran until the police were out of sight and only then did they stop and let themselves breathe.

“Oh god, where did Flora and Steve end up?” Rosemary gasped, tears streaming down her face. “I hope they escaped, I hope they…”

“They did!” Bucky exclaimed, throwing his hands up. “They had to. If they didn't, I dunno what the fuck I’m gonna do.”

Judy took a calm step towards Bucky, pulling him into a hug. 

That’s all it took for him to collapse into her and finally cry. 

* * *

After the raid, it took a whole day before Bucky knew if Steve was okay.

There was a small knock on Bucky’s door, and he sprung up off the couch, running to it and flinging it open. And there was Steve. 

“Oh my god,” Bucky breathed, pulling Steve into a crushing hug. Steve hugged him back with the same amount of fierceness. “Are you okay? I thought you were dead, fuck, where the hell is Flora—?”

“Hey, slow down,” Steve chuckled, cupping Bucky’s face with his hands. “I’m alright. Flora’s alright.”

Bucky let out a sigh of relief. “Where did you…” 

“We ended up at Flora’s place because it was closer,” Steve explained. “But with all the commotion we were too scared to leave.”

Bucky kissed his head, burying his nose in Steve’s hair. “I was so worried…”

“I’m right here, baby, I’m okay,” Steve said, and Bucky believed him.

“I love you,” Bucky whispered, because it was long overdue.

Steve just let out a breath, like he’d been waiting. “I love you, too.”

They ended up on the couch, listening to the radio, Bucky’s hand threading through Steve’s hair. “What’re we gonna do now?” 

Steve sighed. “I dunno. I can’t imagine they’ll keep Cherry’s runnin’.”

“I know,” Bucky mumbled. “At least I still got you. Maybe we can invite the girls over here a few times a week and hangout, like we did at Cherry’s. Just gotta be a little quieter.”

Steve smiled, looking up at Bucky. He leaned up and kissed him, and for Bucky it felt like a million words left unsaid between their lips. “Yeah. I’d like that.”

* * *

It broke Bucky’s heart to find out later that, yes, Steve was right. Because the next time he passed by that familiar convenience store, it was boarded off. 

And just like that, his fantasyland was torn away from him. 

Truth is, Bucky was scared of what the future held for him now. Not just him— for Steve, Flora, Judy and Rosemary, too. Where would they go for that safety? Because as nice as the idea of hanging out at Bucky’s place together sounded, it just wasn't practical. Flora couldn't be herself, not fully, and they all had to worry about someone busting down the door now. Because if it could happen at Cherry’s, who’s to say it couldn't happen here? Bucky's walls were thin. He had nosy neighbors.

There was so much uncertainty now. 

Except for one thing. Except for...

“Hey, Steve?” 

Steve looked up at him. They were eating dinner. “Yeah, sweetheart?”

Bucky thought back to the first day he met Steve, months ago, sweaty from July’s humidity and terrible anxiety. It was cold now, a harsh New York December. But it was nearing Christmas. And Bucky knew Steve didn't have any family left to celebrate with, and technically Bucky was alone, too. Even if his ma still loved him, his dad ruled that house and there was no way in hell he’d be stepping foot in there anytime soon. 

But Steve… Steve was his family, now. Flora, Judy, Rosemary… they all were. They showed him a life he’d never thought he’d have— one of acceptance and love. Granted, since meeting them he’d been assaulted three times now, but it was all worth it to have known these wonderful people he called family.

“I dunno what's gonna happen,” Bucky started, getting out of his chair. His hands were clammy. “But all I know is I love you, and I love the girls. And obviously you ‘n them are a package deal, so I gotta love ‘em. But I’d love ‘em no matter what—”

“Buck,” Steve laughed, cutting him off. “What’s goin’ on, baby?”

“What I’m tryna say is…” Bucky took a deep breath. “I love you so much. You’ve changed my life, Steve, and I dunno what I’d be doin’ right now if you weren’t in my life. So, um.” 

He got down on one knee, and reached into his pocket, pulling out the ring he’d bought. It wasn't much, just a simple ring, one that didn't have to look like a wedding ring at all. “I know we can’t, really. But I’d like to think y’could wear this ring on any of your fingers besides the ring one and know what it means. ‘Cause I would. So, um, Steve Rogers… will y’marry me?”

Steve was visibly stunned, eyes wide and mouth agape. “Buck…”

“Like I said, I know it ain’t real or nothin’ but it’s the thought—  _ hmph!” _

Bucky was cut off by Steve kissing him hard, taking the ring out of his hands and slipping it onto the middle finger of his left hand. Bucky tumbled backwards onto the floor, Steve on top of him, and both men laughed loudly as Bucky’s head made a  _ thunk _ against the wooden floor. 

“Yes, I’ll fake-marry ya,” Steve grinned, and Bucky realized he was crying.

“Hey, love, don’t cry,” Bucky said softly, a permanent smile seeming to glue onto his face. He wiped away the tears from Steve’s cheeks as they fell.

“I’m jus’ real happy,” Steve said. “Where’s your ring?”

“‘n my pants,” Bucky laughed. “Wanted to put yours on first.”

Steve reached down into Bucky’s pocket, getting the other ring out and slipping it onto Bucky’s left middle finger as well. He brought the hand to his lips and pressed a kiss there. “This is our wedding, right here. Do you, Bucky Barnes, take Steve Rogers to be your husband?”

Bucky snorted, rolling his eyes. “I do.”

“Great, ‘cuz Steve Rogers takes Bucky Barnes t’be his husband, too. You may kiss the bride.”

Bucky leaned in, kissing Steve again. And even though they were laying on his dusty, wooden floor, there was nowhere else he’d rather be.

  
  
  


Later, Bucky sat on the fire escape, smoking a cigarette and staring up at the sky. He counted the stars he could see, and then did it again. And again. The ring on his finger felt warm.

“What’re y’doing?” came Steve’s voice from behind him, arms wrapping around his waist. He kissed Bucky’s neck. “It’s like three ‘n the mornin’, baby…”

“Just wanted some air,” Bucky smiled, turning to kiss Steve properly. He moved his free hand up to Steve’s hair, even at the awkward angle. 

“Mm,” Steve hummed as he pulled away, leaning forward to take a drag off of Bucky's cigarette. “I love kissing ya. Y’know that?”

“Well, I’d hope so,” Bucky laughed. “Considerin’ you’re my husband.”

“ _ Husband _ ,” Steve breathed out, resting his chin on Bucky’s shoulder. “God. I love hearin’ you say that.”

“Good, ‘cause I like sayin’ it,” Bucky said, kissing Steve’s cheek. “We don’t gotta stay out here. We can go inside ‘n back to bed.”

“It  _ is _ a bit cold,” Steve laughed, standing up and stretching. “C’mon, sweetheart.”

So, Bucky followed him inside and to bed. They laid together, cuddled up, hands laced and heartbeats synced.

* * *

The five of them stood outside of the building, looking cautiously at the door. It was disguised as a soda shop, with a cute red-and-white-stripes theme on the inside. It was a precious cover, really.

Bucky walked in first. The rest of them followed. Flora closed the door behind them, and Bucky took a breath.

“You guys ready?” he asked, turning and looking at his friends. Judy was the first to step forward, giving Bucky a confident grin. 

Bucky carefully pulled the latch for the hidden door, and as he tugged, the seemingly-normal shelf pulled out to reveal a staircase. Judy squealed in excitement, and the five of them ushered in, Bucky closing the door behind them. 

They walked down the stairs. In front of them was an empty room, one that held so much potential for loving, laughing, crying, dancing, singing… Bucky could see it already, the relationships that could form here.

“We have to get a platform for a stage, so we can have performers,” Flora said, running to the center of the room and spinning around. “And a bar, of course. Tables and booths, space to dance—”

“We can get whatever we want,” Bucky smiled, squeezing Steve’s hand. “This place is ours.”

“I’m so excited!” Judy exclaimed. “What’re we gonna name it?”

They fell quiet, and it was a few moments before Steve said, “Buck’s.”

“What?” Bucky asked. 

Judy grinned, clapping her hands. “Yes!”

“You scored this place for us, babe,” Steve explained, looking up at Bucky. “It’s only fitting we name it after ya.”

Flora walked to Bucky with a smile on her face, hugging him tight. “Thank you for everything.”

Bucky hugged her back, closing his eyes and letting himself relax. “Thank  _ you _ .”

They pulled apart, and Bucky looked around. It wasn’t as big as Cherry’s was, but it would be amazing with time. 

He bit his lip, looking at his four best friends. “You guys are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Cherry’s is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And now we get to help other people out there experience that, too.”

Steve smiled, standing on his toes to press a kiss to Bucky’s mouth. “I love you so much. You’re such a good man, Buck.”

“I know,” Bucky teased, looking back towards the empty room. 

He finally felt complete. After years of not knowing who he was, hiding from himself, he’d finally reached a point of acceptance. And the world may scorn him for it, but with the people he called family all around him, he was quite sure he’d be able to get through it. 

He smiled. “Let’s get started.”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! i hope you enjoyed!
> 
> my twitter: buckbuchanans  
> my instagram: cwbucky


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